Season to be Hopeful

Recently, I got to know that Prof. Aditi Simha, a faculty at the Department of Physics, IIT Madras passed away. I had worked in the same department and seen her many times in the corridors, but never had the chance to talk to her. Still the news was shocking as she was young. It is being said that she committed suicide by consuming some poisonous fruits taken from the campus. I am reading online that Prof. Aditi Simha was depressed related to personal problems, which might have prompted her to take her own life. However, I am unaware for how long she was battling depression. 

Life can indeed be harsh and hard. In the current times, what with Facebook and Instagram, everyone's life seems to be an open book. It looks like all our friends are always travelling, eating great food, and having fun. This facade would make anyone going through a low point in his/her life feel hesitant to approach even someone they have known since childhood. 

When things are troublesome, we must remind ourselves that no one can say that he or she has never had to struggle. Even for stepping into this world we have to wriggle our way out. How many times babies push themselves up when first learning to simply raise their bodies. As I watch my son grow, I see how in a desire to walk, run, and jump there is no fear of falling and he is willing to repeat the same exercise countless times with the same level of excitement and without tiredness. 

If you will simply look around, then you will find someone facing a greater ordeal than you. I travel by local train sometimes to get to my office. Indeed I only have to step on to the railway station to see poverty and the sorry state of some people's lives to know how much more I have. At the same time, I also come across men and women trying to make an honest living despite their unfortunate circumstances. When a blind man in return for buying only ten rupees of chikki (a sweet made of peanuts and jaggery) says "God bless you", I realize how much more I should be thankful. 

Our God is full of mercy and grace. From the time of our birth He has given us the inner strength to face our life's challenges. The proof of God's love for us is His great sacrifice of sending His only begotten Son to save us. Let this Christmas season be not only about being joyful but also hopeful. Believe that however difficult the times may be, He will hear us. Know that He is always with us, even if  no one else is. So hold on and do not let go.

(Photo source: www.angels-ad-pbb.com)

Satyamev Jayate (7): Episode 3 Big Fat Indian Wedding

I know I am lagging way behind in my writings on Satyamev Jayate considering the progress that it has made by completing three seasons. But I guess it is never too late to talk about something important. So instead of giving up, I am choosing to continuing to go on.

Theme of the episode
In this episode the audience was specially comprised of men and women considered to be of marriageable age. Calling weddings as the national passion of India, host Aamir Khan involved the youngsters by asking them about their wedding plans. If a boy wants to arrive at the venue in a helicopter, then a girl knows for sure what she will wear during her marriage ceremony and later at her reception. But not all such dream weddings lead to happy endings.

Stories
We are first told of Komal, a resident of Delhi, whose marriage was fixed by her parents. While everything was nice in the beginning, as the date of the wedding approached the boys family started demanding dowry, which her parents agreed to give. On the day of the wedding itself while Komal was on the stage and the guests had arrived they asked for gold chain as a gift. After the marriage the demands escalated to funding her husband's trip to US and furniture for the home there. In US Komal was mistreated, assaulted, and deprived of her basic rights of even food when she refused to ask her parents to transfer the deeds of their home in her husband's name. Finally her husband locked her in their home without food to eat, water to drink and electricity to keep warm from the snow outside. In desperation she called a women's shelter who then covered her medical expenses and helped her to call her parents. In hindsight Komal's parents have realised that they should never have met any of the demands made by the boy and his family.

       Nishana, well educated with a Ph.D., was a lecturer in a college in Madurai. Though married into a well-off family, nearly 820 g of gold and one lakh rupees in cash had to be given as part of the dowry. After the wedding a demand for a car was made. Later the in-laws and her husband started finding fault in her appearance and forced her to undergo plastic surgery. All this affected her negatively and pushed her to commit suicide.

        Paramjeet Kaur's marriage was arranged in Punjab to a boy who was about to leave for Australia for his studies. In this process her parents were made to pay for his fees and tickets. Though originally she was supposed to join him there, he eventually left her behind within a week of their wedding. At her in-laws house she was continually ill-treated and insulted, not given any freedom and asked to bring in more money. Then one fine day they threw her out of the house. At the time of the episode telecast it had been three years since her husband has not returned back. Instead through his uncle's intervention he was asking for divorce over the internet.

The cause
When a girl's parents agree to spend lavishly for the wedding and give dowry, they do so thinking it is for their daughter's happiness. They worry that if the marriage falls apart then the society will look down on them. The fancy trends followed by the rich seep into the lives of the poor too, who also go beyond their means and take loans to to meet the needs of the rituals and celebrations.

The effect
In the episode the story of Santosh Kumar and Ruby Devi is also narrated. In order to circumvent the problem of paying dowry Ruby Devi's father kidnapped Santosh Kumar in whom he found a suitable groom and forced him into marrying his daughter. It is a surprise that despite such unusual circumstances their marriage turned out to be a success.

Turning it around
We are told that the group Tanzeem Khudaam E Millat has started the tradition of "no band, no baraat (groom's wedding procession), no dowry" during weddings. As part of the festivities only juice and water are served whether the involved families are rich or poor. Mr. Ummedi from the this group told that in Burhanpur which follows this model not one girl has been burnt in 60 years over the issue of dowry.

        Finally Rani Tripathi was invited on the stage and her bravado was brought into limelight. Like other girls whose story we heard in the episode, her wedding was fixed and similarly at the heels of the marriage the soon to be in-laws demanded a car. On hearing this she was angered and decided to not accept things lying down. Rani along with her brothers and parents did a sting operation on the in-laws. The recorded video shockingly caught the guilty party shouting with arrogance and demanding for car and money. Interestingly when this video was telecast on tv many people came out in support of her and men sought her for marriage for her gutsy nature, which is how she met her husband.

Action
Before winding the episode Aamir Khan asked the audience of their views after hearing everything. A sea change occurred in the thinking of the girl who at the start of the episode knew perfectly how her wedding would be. Very wisely she said that she'd come to the conclusion that she'd rather have a simple and lasting marriage over an elaborate wedding. She added that if the couple still wanted something fancy then they should do it from their own money and not of the parents'. Aamir Khan ended by saying that we should aim to prepare our children for their entire lives instead of being consumed by the desire to achieve one perfect day.

My comments
I have an indirect connection with this theme. I had a classmate in school, Amit Goyal. I remember him as a brilliant student, loved by the teachers, friends with everyone and yet without arrogance. Everybody knew he would become something in life. But that was not to be. One day when I was in Class 4th I reached my classroom room to learn that he had died. His mother who was being harassed for dowry could not take it any longer. She put her son to sleep and then set him and herself on fire. Neither survived.

I have lived a major portion of my life in Delhi. The weddings there were grand. On some occasions there would be week-long pre-wedding celebrations like sangeet (music and dance night) and mehndi (henna design). The food spread was always lavish. There would also be separate elaborate counters for chaat (all kinds of savouries), desserts and drinks. The clothes worn by the bride and groom were gorgeous. I have heard of occasions where parents have travelled to other cities like Jaipur and Lucknow to get specially designed dresses made. But the expenses however do not end with the marriage and reception. I have heard of traditions in which during the first year of marriage at each and every festival (holy, diwali, christmas, new year, etc) the girl's parents must give gifts to the boy and his family. One of my friends who was going to get married was excited at the prospect of shopping for an all new wardrobe as the custom is that the bride is not supposed to bring with her any of her old clothes.

One point where I felt this episode of Satyamev Jayate lacked was in discussing the history behind dowry. Questions like when did giving dowry become a part of weddings, why was it made a part in the first place and when did it change to becoming a matter of show should have been discussed. I am sure there are researchers who must have studied this.

The reason the system of dowry continues is that we have accepted it. In the hit movie 2 States released last year, Ananya (Alia Bhatt) is visiting her boyfriend Kirsh (Arjun Kapoor) in Delhi when they go to attend a wedding. Just before the rituals can begin the groom's parents demand a bigger car than they are being gifted. To arrange for the equivalent money all the relatives start chipping in, the women by giving their jewellery. Then Ananya decides to intervene and has a chat with the groom. She makes him realise how lucky he is to have found a lovely and smart wife who is better than him and so he should settle for the small car and get married. The groom finally finds his voice and does exactly that. In the movie Ananya is applauded for this act as she is able to save the day. But isn't this giving a wrong message? After all the groom still took the small car as a "gift". Don't you think Ananya should have instead talked to the bride and asked her to walk out? Could she guarantee that after the marriage this groom would manage to take a stand against his family in the secure confines of their home?

Rani Tripathi's sting operation video showed how the demands of the in-laws are sometimes not even made subtly, but with screaming. They feel that as they have invested a lot for their son (education, career, etc) who will now be taking care of his wife they deserve what they are asking for, that it is their right. The sons who either themselves want to benefit from this situation or are controlled by their parents, do not raise any opposition. Though it is in the presence of God that the vows are taken and the wedding ceremony is performed, such men and women definitely do not fear Him. Clearly their sight  is fixed on all that is worldly. But this not what the Lord wants us to go for. In Matthew Chapter 6, Jesus Christ tells us:

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things[a] shall be added to you.

[a] such as food, clothes, money, necessities of life, etc.

-------------------------------
(Image source: http://stjohns-dc.org/worship/baptisms/)

Papanasam

Remade in Tamil from a Malayam film Drishyam, Papanasam stars Kamal Haasan, Gauthami and Asha Sharath. After a long time I found a movie with no frills managing to keep me gripped solely on the strength of its story and acting.

Suyambulingam is a cable operator living with his wife and two daughters in a small town by the same name. Though educated only till 4th class, he has acquired for himself a home, 5 acres land, a jeep and a bike. Many of the things that he has learnt have come through the movies that he watches daily. Everything is going well, until one night in his absence his elder daughter Selvi accidentally kills her blackmailer Varun (IG Geetha's son) and his wife helps to dispose off the body. When Suyambulingam returns and finds what has happened, he quickly grasps that an inquiry regarding Varun's disappearnce would be imminent and the connection to his daughter will for sure be revealed. He then uses all his knowledge from films to protect his family. The fact that the steps that he takes are intelligently crafted and are not predictable make the film interesting till the end.

Keeping the entertainment quotient of the film aside, I would like to highlight something which struck me here. In the first half of Papanasam, Suyambulingam is shown as a hardworking and upright man. He refuses to accept a delayed dowry from his father-in-law. He stands up against an arrogant, local constable, Perumal who tries to make use of his power and troubles people for personal gain. When told to be careful in his behaviour towards men with authority, he says that being innocent he is not scared of the police and only fears God. But this God fearing nature is instantaneously pushed aside the moment Suyambulingam is himself put to test. He does not take much time in hatching plans to keep the truth from coming out. As he proceeds in his endeavour, that he has a guilty conscience is never really shown. Only towards the close does he express his sadness at having taught his children to lie.

It appeared to me that the story tends to justify the protagonist's actions in terms of his belief that the law will not consider Varun's death an accident, that Varun was blackmailing would not be revealed and that his daughter and wife would be sent to jail which would besmirch their names. But God knows our hearts and we wouldn't be able to absolve ourselves as easily in front of Him.

The Bible tells us that He wants us to be holy and perfect, just the way He is. In Matthew Chapter 8, Jesus Christ has warned:

7 Woe to the world because of offences! For offences must come, but woe to that man by whom the offence comes!

What He says further in verses 8 and 9 tells us how strict or disciplined we have to be with ourselves to match the standards expected of us.

8 If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it out from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
(Image source: http://www.deccanchronicle.com)

Looking back

(Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/katerha)

There is a part in Genesis (Chapter 18-19) where the Lord is going to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of the extreme sinning in the cities and He reveals this plan to Abraham. But when Abraham pleads to the Lord for the righteous living there, He agrees to not destroy the cities even if there are only ten good people remaining. Two angels arrive in Sodom and are taken in by Abraham's nephew, Lot. Not only does he provide them a meal but also intervenes when a maddening crowd surrounds his house. These angels who are about to bring the destruction then bring Lot, his wife and daughters out of the city. They tell Lot and his family to escape and not look back. But Lot's wife does and is turned into a pillar of salt.

Recently I was asked whether looking back I would have liked to change something I did or didn't do from a professional standpoint. Initially stumped by the question my answer was no. Not that I imagine myself to be perfect, requiring no polishing, I feel such attempts in general can leave you questioning everything specially if life is not going your way. Wondering years or even moments after the decision was made if one should have taken a different path altogether or chosen to keep walking on the road one was already on could be detrimental to your present happiness.

It is better to introspect where you are currently and if you are not satisfied with what you see then try to improve that aspect in the future. Even after this process it may be a while before an opportunity arises or you are able to create one yourself. Until then we do as it says in Hebrews, Chapter 12:

1... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfect of faith.

Gulaab Gang - violence begets violence

(Image source: official poster)

Gulaab Gang is one movie that I was very much looking forward to. Starring the once competitors Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla this was meant to be a clash of the titans. When its trailer first came out I had thought the film will be crackling. But sadly it was a great let down for me. 

Simply put the story is of Rajjo (Madhuri Dixit) who runs a group called Gulaab Gang which is ever ready to put the danda (or rod) to use. Enters Sumitra Devi (Juhi Chawala) as the vicious politician to add to their troubles. Both power wielding ladies are soon pitted against each other. Who wins - the good or the evil? forms the rest of the movie.  

Personally I felt that all the good dialogues were used up in the trailer. The songs and dance seemed ill placed and slowed the pace. I wish the story to have been more of a battle of wits than weapons. In my view the character of Sumitra devi dripped of vileness in every scene and expression from the get go which robbed the audience of any twists or surprises. On a different note it also made me ask some questions. For instance,

If those who use their positions for personal gain, do so as openly? While extreme in nature, Sumitra devi mirrors the reality. I was revisiting the first season of Satyamev Jayate - Episode 3 in which a video recorded as part of a sting operation carried out by a bride-to-be showed her prospective in-laws loudly shouting and unabashedly demanding dowry from her parents and brothers. 

Why is it that having a choice between the right and wrong and between heaven and hell some people would still go for the latter option in each case? I suppose knowing is one thing and believing another. 

If today the Lord was to speak from the heaven would it help? The book of Exodus is full of instances of His glory and power. Most of us are at least aware of the part where He saved His people from the Egyptian Pharaoh and his soldiers by parting the Red Sea. Through their journey He was with them - as a cloud during the day and as fire by night. But when Moses did not come down from the mountain for a long time, they turned to other gods. 

In the film some cases were shown in which Gulaab Gang went to the rescue of ill treated women. But not once were they successful in appealing to the reason of the perpetrators and always ended up resorting to various forms of violence - slapping, breaking bones, cutting ears, and even killing. The action packed climax ends with Sumitra devi's mighty hand being both literally and figuratively cut off and with Rajjo also getting jailed. It reiterated for me what Jesus Christ had said when stopping his disciple from coming to his defence against arrest:

"… for all who take the sword will perish by the sword." (Matthew, Chapter 26, verse 52)

A lot of young men and women these days are inclined to think that the solution to all corrupt and deplorable acts is to simply lynch the criminals and offenders. But that does not change wrong practices nor put an end to all kinds of deceit and lawlessness. Martin Luther King, Jr. had phrased it way better:

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy, instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder the hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." (Ref: Where do we go from here: chaos or community, 1967, pp 62-63)

Unanswered prayers

(Image source: http://abureauphoto.deviantart.com)

I am sure it has happened to many of us when we've been praying for something incessantly but still found God not granting that to us. Does it mean He is not even listening to us? I don't think so. I am beginning to see that His not answering is an answer in itself- a resounding NO, which we are mostly not prepared and willing to accept.

Yesterday in the Bible study I go to, one of the girls said that she feels that the things that God is not giving to her are really her wants and not needs. However, even our needs He may not provide us at the time we think is right but when He knows its the most appropriate. Until then what you have on your hands is a seemingly endless wait in which you tend to battle with questions.

Questions about our future often plague us. You may even seem to be lost in the woods. As living creatures we are prone to be lead by what we can see, hear, or feel. We find it easier to base our belief on something tangible. It would take a lot to stop oneself from turning to a person who gives you the impression that he can "tell" you all. It is in exactly such blurriness that God wants us to hold on to our faith in Him. This requires us to trust in the Lord leaving aside our anxiousness and apprehensions. Such a conviction only comes when you love with all your heart, mind, and soul. Then we too will be able to say like King David:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I fear no evil, 
For You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
(Psalm, Chapter 23, verse 4)

So today let us pray that we may no longer be afraid of the unknown that is lying ahead.

What goes into a great marriage - Part 1

(Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/timdorr)

Last Sunday at our church service the sermon was on the ways to have a great marriage. In our pastor's words a marriage is like a garden which needs careful tending. He gave us ten practical instructions based on his 23 year old marriage. In this post I am going to talk about five of those points based on what I heard during the sermon with my own thoughts mixed in.

(1) Motive
In India they say if your children are married then they are settled. For some girls marriage means security. Others consider it to be their fairytale ending. Romantic movie dialogues give the impression that it is a way to complete oneself and a key to finding happiness. Our Pastor however, equated this to a form of idolatry as you are putting a person on an even higher pedestal than God. If you do feel that there is a part that is lacking in your life then you should look to God to satisfy it. What then you might question is the purpose of marriage. A Christian marriage is the coming together of two persons to serve and honour God and it is meant to be demonstrative of God's love for the world. Just as the vows that my husband and I took at the altar said, a marriage is a commitment

to love, comfort, honour, and keep (your spouse), for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, so long as both shall live.

Rightly so it should not be entered into lightly.

(2) Be thankful
Living together for years can bring in a sense of overfamiliarity. It is very easy to take the other person for granted. With time you are no longer shy or intimidated to say or do things as you were in the beginning of the relationship. After a while your focus may shift to noticing all that is wrong in your spouse. This can obviously build up resentment in your heart and cause you get angry. In such a scenario it is very important to remember to recognise the good qualities your spouse has, to acknowledge the efforts they put in daily, and to praise him/her for the support and comfort they give you. Our Pastor suggested writing your spouse a letter or saying a prayer specially for your husband/wife to remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place. Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 8 also tells us that we should meditate on

...whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise.

(3) Lean on God
Last year I had posted (see here) how we tend to wrongly believe that we can achieve anything by our own efforts alone. In a similar vein in a marriage when couples face difficulties they are inclined to resolving their issues by themselves. While we are (correctly) willing to use different resources available to us, such as articles on the internet, self help books and therapy to fix everything by ourselves, we are reluctant to ask God or may be we even forget that He is in the picture. I believe that if there is one being who will not judge us for our weakness but love us all the more, then that is God. So when the going gets tough follow what Proverbs, Chapter 3 says:

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

(4) Ask for help
A question that was raised in this week's Bible study was "Why do married couples find it difficult to ask for help?" Personally I feel after marriage your problems are no longer just your problems as there are two lives which are now intertwined. While social networking sites are great at connecting with friends, they also tend to give a false sense as if everybody else is having a wonderful life. How then are you supposed to feel comfortable reaching out? These days the one spot I am quite at ease is perhaps our church. I have come to realise that it is not just a place of worship, but also a safe haven where anyone can go to though broken spirited and tired with struggles and still be accepted. For some it is not shame but pride that comes in the way of taking help. Mostly we want to be independent and are wary of taking advice. In either case, not drawing upon somebody else's wisdom could prove detrimental in keeping a marriage. So if you are shying away from friends, talk to the elders in your family. Sometimes it is just a matter of understanding that the difficulties that you are going through are not unusual and can be overcome.

(5) Fight fair
For starters I don't think any marriage can be conflict-free. I have previously written a post (see here) on the fiery aftereffects of anger and how to douse them. Hurtful words indeed have a habit of lingering on long after they have been uttered and can be devastating to a marriage when they are added to a list which is being constantly renewed and reviewed. This makes it all the more necessary to hold oneself from saying anything that could be regrettable. Taking time out and getting away from the situation at hand could help you gain perspective on why you are fighting. Ask yourself if you are simply trying to win a point over your spouse. Our Pastor advised couples to not exaggerate during arguments and avoid beginning sentences with "you never" or "you always". Something that I will surely remember from the sermon is him telling that the most important words in a marriage are not "I love you" but "May be you are right". So be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. (James, Chapter 1, verse 19)

How love should be

(Image source: http://commons.wikimedia.org)

It is that day of the year when love can be literally found all around us - in the meaningful cards and beautiful flowers, in the first confessions of hidden feelings, in the vows taken for a life together, in the celebrations of what you have, and in the sad remembrances for some who lost. But love is not about what you do on Valentine's Day but how you are with your love every day. Verses 4-8 in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 (see here) provide the best description of what is love. Using these as a guide I have written this short poem.

In love be willing to endure and be gentle

And do not ever be resentful

In love be humble and be modest

And do not be to others insolent

In love be selfless and be slow to anger

And in your heart do not keep things bitter

In love do not revel in the sinful ways 

Instead exult when truth reigns

In love take on whatever life may bring

Without your trust even once through it floundering

In love always stand firm and always hold on to your belief

Your love should be such that it does not cease

We are in another year

(Image source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/)

As per tradition I should have written a post on the last day of 2013 marking the first anniversary of Write Around the Corner. But loads of work thanks to my project review mid-January, an immediate and opposite reaction to go into inertness following its completion and the desire to keep myself warm inside a quilt in this winter weather, held me from blogging my thoughts into words. And before I could help it, here I am already 25 days into the new year.

Looking back there were some promises that I had made when 2013 had just started. They were:

To communicate more with those I care for. 
To write on this blog regularly.
To take time out for doing the things that I used to like to do.
To increase my enthusiasm for cooking.
To reduce my complaint reports to a minimum.

Reviewing myself I scored in a few, failed in a couple of them and interestingly accomplished a thing or two that I hadn't even listed. The curious reader might wonder what are then my plans for the remaining 340 days? Honestly they are pretty much the same as above.

If you were to read that post of mine (see here) then you will find me relying solely on "my will" to achieve my goals. I have come to realise that it was highly audacious of me to have said so. Reading Chapter 4 of the book of James of the New Testament one November morning is what shook me up, as its following verses say:

13 Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit";
14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.
15 Instead you ought to say "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that".
16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

So, this year there is going to be one big difference. This time while making every effort towards arriving at the end results that I desire, I will also entrust those very desires to the Lord's will.

Noah's ark

(Image source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/)

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

I came across this quote on somebody's Facebook page. For those who don't know that the building of the ark by "amateurs" is in reference to Noah's story in the Bible. The ark saved him and his family by the great flood brought on the earth by God. The above quote seems to give the impression that one day Noah decided to start a new hobby out of his own will and ending up successfully bringing it to fruition based on his efforts alone. To be honest I was saddened and upset to see this picture painted as it is far from the real one. 

If you were to read Chapters 6-9 from the book of Genesis in the Old Testament (click this link) then you would realise that Noah's story is one of strong faith in the Lord. The way it goes is that the earth had been brutally corrupted by the evildoings of men. The Lord was sorry and upset at His creation and decided to destroy it. However, He was very pleased with Noah's devotion. It was when Noah was 500 years old that God first spoke to him, asking him to build an ark as He was going to bring a great flood over the earth. 

Noah did not once doubt what he had heard and immediately set out to do as per God's will. However, it was not after the passing of one year or two years but a good 100 years the Lord actually opened the floodgates. Imagine the kind of opposition and difficulties that Noah and his family would have faced in this long period. People must have scoffed at them, perhaps called them names. Others would have surely questioned their belief and tried to tempt them to lead them astray. 

Though the Lord had given Noah the specifications for building the ark, the task itself would not have been easy for the sheer size of it. What can be said about the filling of the ark by each type of animal and bird! Clearly for that to happen the animals and birds would have had to come from different parts of the world. There is not a chance that Noah and his family could have managed this feat just by themselves.

The flood when it came lasted for forty days but the water stayed high for five months. It was in the tenth month that the mountain tops could be seen. For the earth to become dry another two months were needed. So when Noah and his family stepped out of the ark a full one year had passed. Those 365 days must have tested their patience and faith as well. But they survived it all not because they simply braved it on their own, but because God was by their side.

Another important point to take note of is that though God was angry at mankind He took 100 years to take the final action. One might wonder why He put Noah through that long ordeal. I feel that it was so because He really wanted to save as many as possible. He gave this time for men and women to give up their wrongful ways and turn back to Him. But sadly that did not happen and only a small group of eight remained standing in the end. Now that same time has been given to us. So what are you going to do with it? How are you going to respond to His call?

Forgive and forget

(Image source: http://stickyjesus.com/)

For most part I find hearing and reading Aamir Khan's interviews a treat. In my opinion he comes across as someone whose actions are grounded in thought and do not have a hidden agenda. Many celebrities, mostly from the Hindi film world, have on the Koffee with Karan show said a lot of scandalous things on the pretext of jest. So I wondered how Aamir Khan would fare in comparison.

After watching today's episode if there was one thing that I took away from it, it was a statement the actor made very early on. He said that he is learning to be more forgiving. I was once again bowled over as in today's tit-for-tat world how many of us give any importance to the need to forgive.

For long if I got off on the wrong foot with somebody my immediate reaction was to close my heart to them. I have at times deliberately kept a distance from certain people based on past experiences, unwilling to give them a second chance. In my anger I have turned off the line of communication with a few. But in the last year or so I have come to realize that this is not how it should be.

One of the first prayers that I was asked to learn as a kid was what is called the Lord's prayer in the Bible. Among many things it asks God to,

"Forgive us our as sins as we forgive those who sin against us."

We must realise that however good we might think ourselves to be, we are nowhere spotless and clean. What right then we have to condemn somebody else? If God can forgive so many of our daily wrongdoings then should we not extend the same magnanimity to others? The above short and simple verse tells us that to receive God's grace we must ourselves be full of mercy and kindness.

It is of course possible that even after forgiving a person once, he/she might be responsible for causing you hurt again. Jesus Christ said not seven times, but seventy times seven we should forgive a brother who has grieved us. This is the kind of loving heart we must all have.

Finally I believe that forgiveness is incomplete if you do not let it go. Bringing up past mistakes in your mind only sprouts doubt against the person in question and you are likely to look at his/her actions and words with suspicion. So take out that notebook of records you are keeping and tear it apart and believe me you will feel much lighter, happier and peaceful than when you held all those grudges.

A capable woman

(Images taken from http://www.flickr.com/photos/85934826@N00 and http://www.flickr.com/photos/kittykaht)

It was thirteen years ago that we lost Mummy. As I write these lines I am amazed that such a long time has gone by. Yet the memories of her face, the sound of her voice, her demeanour, and everything that she did are as fresh as ever.

Daddy always thought that she truly embodied all the characteristics of a sadgunee stree or a virtuous woman as described in verses 10-30 of Proverbs, Chapter 31. Indeed I don't remember Mummy ever complaining in front of us about all her responsibilities. She was always very giving and loving. She made every effort to make our future better.  Her thoughts were always centred on us and not on her own self. She bore all her illnesses with immense strength, will power and patience. Most of all she had tremendous faith in God.

While growing up time and again Daddy would have us two sisters calculate the number of chapatis (see photos) that Mummy cooked for all of us daily. Assuming a rate of 24 per day the total came to a staggering 87,600 for say a period of 10 years. These statistics always helped us realize the kind of hard work she put in and made us instantly appreciate her.

I have to have to admit that I have especially missed her since getting married. There is so much I could have learnt from her "woman to woman". Not having her around, I take refuge these days in the same words of Proverbs when I feel out of depth or get doubts about what should I be doing. Here they are for you to contemplate on:


10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Heavy laden

(Image adapted from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carsten_tb/)

Reading the news of the young 25 year old Indian actress Jiah Khan committing suicide shocked me. As the details came out, it was revealed that she was going through a difficult time in her professional as well as personal life. Some reports claim that she was unhappy, frustrated and depressed leading Jiah Khan to take this extreme step. Her sister on the other hand says it was a decision made on the spur of the moment. Whatever the real reason may be, a soul has been lost.

The fact is that life is not easy. You may make a hundredfold plans only to find them crumbling. The path that once looked straight could suddenly diverge. The bright morning that was seemingly beautiful happens to turn cloudy and dull by afternoon.

It is important to realize that everybody goes through periods of struggle. For some the hardships can stretch for a longer duration than expected. The disappointments can be heartbreaking and the insensitive remarks you hear from those around you blood curdling. Indeed it might seem too much to bear.

To those who are heavy laden and finding it impossible to carry on, might I suggest that you take a moment and remember the persecution Jesus Christ faced and His crucifixion (Mathew Chapter 27, Mark Chapter 15, or Luke Chapter 23). How agonizing must have been the insults hurled at Him, the blows that He received, the scourging of His body by the soldiers, the crown of thorns that was forcefully fitted on His head, and the final nailing on to the cross. Even more so, how burdened He must have felt under the weight of the collective sins of the world. In comparison aren't your problems small and pain much less? 

It may appear that God is not answering your prayers. But once you start listing you will realize that though He might not be giving you all that your heart desires, He surely is providing you with all you need. So be patient and let not your faith waver. When distressed, just as Jesus Christ did in Luke Chapter 22, ask the Lord:

42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; 
yet not my will, but yours be done."

By ourselves

(Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/inaction)

Today while reading Chapter 4 in 1 Corinthians I came across the following verse:

7 ... And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?

It made me ponder over some of my own actions. Specially when I am in cribbing mode I tend to put myself on a higher pedestal. A lot of my thoughts then have me at the focal point. I start listing in my mind what are all the good things "I" have done and am continually doing, laying all the credit on my own shoulders.

The above verse served to remind me that this is wrong on my part. Irrespective of my mood I shouldn't forget that whatever I have is really by His grace:


From the certificates that I got in school to the exams I passed. 
From the home I live in to the world that I have explored. 
From the progress at work to the fun I have daily.
From the fellowship of my friends to my wonderful family.
From the mental toughness when needed to the softness of my heart. 
From the spirit that stirs me to the words that then pour out.
From the patience to go on to the strengthening of my belief. 
From the love of my life to the kindnesses I receive.


I feel most of the time our ambitions are driven by our desire for achieving success, fame, and fortune or for proving others wrong and showing what mettle we have. Perhaps that is why (as was pointed out in this Sunday's sermon by our pastor) we are habituated to find what we need by looking inside when we should be looking up to God. I am realizing that we need to humble ourselves whether hail or sunshine. It is important we recognize to Whom the praise is really due.

Do not be judgemental

(Image adapted from http://www.flickr.com/photos/cheesyfeet)

It was quite a while back that I saw the Hindi movie English Vinglish but I still clearly recall being moved by the speech that Shashi (Sridevi) makes at the wedding in the end. She tells in her sweet demeanour the newly married couple to not be judgemental of each other. I feel this piece of advice is to be followed by every one of us, not only in our relationships but also in the way we simply see the people in our vicinity when we travel, drive to the market or go for a jog.

John chapter 7, verse 24 says that we should "not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgement." Unfortunately this rarely happens. We are prone to jump to conclusions based on our predetermined mindsets formulated through the news we hear or on beliefs passed down generations. Imtiaz Ali's Hindi film Cocktail for instance is most clichéd in its characterization. The girl who parties, drinks, is in and out of relationships and has uncaring parents is named Veronica. While the girl who is shy, prays, and cooks and cleans is named Meera.

A sad case in point is of Brown University's student Sunil Tripathi who went missing about a month back. When the yet to be identified hazy photos of the recent Boston Marathon bombers were released by the authorities, somebody's comment on how Sunil bore a likeness to one of the pictures led to a chain of posts on a website discussing whether he could be one of them. Many others got on to the bandwagon and some believing him to be guilty even went on to hurl abuses on the facebook page that Sunil's parents had created in a bid to reach out to him. Eventually the truth came out but in that short span much pain and anguish was caused to the family. Worse was to come when some days later Sunil's body was recovered and he was found dead. I wonder what made it so easy for these accusers to pronounce their verdict and what are their thoughts now.

In the New Testament there is a story of how once a crowd had gathered around a sinful woman to throw stones at her as a punishment. When Jesus saw this He asked that the person who has never committed a sin should be the first one to throw the stone. But as there was nobody sinless, soon the woman was left alone. Even today it is no different. We might be "not bad" but that does not mean we are without a single blemish.

The Bible tells very clearly what happens when we judge others and how we really have no right to do so. The following words in Mathew, chapter 7 guide us in this regard:

1 Judge not, that you be not judged. 
2 For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Who's bad?

(Photo source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mugley)

Has there ever been a time we have read the news and not come out shaking our heads wondering at all the terrible things happening around us? It doesn't need much to feel rage against corrupt ministers, terrorists, rapists, murderers, and cheats and for us to ask loudly "how could they?". In comparison we believe ourselves to be not that bad and deserving of a clean chit. The sermon I heard on Sunday, however, set the record straight.

I had written in my last post that in God's eyes our sins have more weight than our good acts. Adding to that, based on what I understood, what we might not give credence to could actually be of grave importance in His book.

For instance,

Stinginess. Not having a heart big enough to share or help. 
Anger. Venting out in frustration, calling someone names and saying hurtful things.
Lying. Not being courageous enough to accept your mistakes.
Unforgiving. Keeping grudges and being unwilling to make peace.
Gluttony. Acquiring more and more.
Lusting. Looking where your eyes shouldn't venture.
Pride. Believing that you can achieve everything on your own and not through God.
Grumbling. Complaining about the deficiencies in your life: food, money, house, riches...

The way the world has become we have begun believing that it is alright to look out for your own self alone, to shout at your juniors or be rude to them to get work done, to throw people under the bus (figuratively) to get ahead at work, to take revenge on anyone who has been mean to you, to flaunt it if you've got it, to watch porn, to be flowing with self-confidence, and to point out if something is lacking. These acts are so commonplace that we sometimes don't even think twice before doing them. As long as we are not committing a heinous crime we feel worthy of a place in heaven. We forget that the decision regarding our suitableness is not in our hands. It is written in the Bible that on the day of judgement,


36 "every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof..." (Matthew, chapter 12)

and that

17 "there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." (Luke, chapter 8)


The above words do not leave much room for us to even wriggle ourselves in through the gate. Surely we need to contemplate over the way we go about carrying out our daily duties and question our goodness quotient. It is time we searched ourselves and identified the bad therein.

Jab Tak Hai Jaan - what's the deal?

For those who don't know Yash Chopra is an Indian film maker legendary for bringing heart tugging romances on celluloid. He passed away in October 2012 just weeks before his directorial venture titled Jab Tak Hai Jaan was slated to release. The audiences were already looking forward to the movie as he had taken over the reigns after a gap of eight years. His sudden demise increased the curiosity factor even more. People wanted to see how he had wielded his magic this last time round.

I finally got to watch Jab Tak Hai Jaan yesterday. I found that in true blue Yash Chopra style the film's story was a love triangle, its protagonists were genuinely good people, the two heroines were presented beautifully and the film was shot in some picturesque locations. In this post I am not going to review Jab Tak Hai Jaan more than this but write about one of its leading characters Meera played by actress Katrina Kaif.

Whenever Meera wants something in her life she prays to Jesus Christ and in return gives up something she likes. For instance, when she asks for a boy to not want her hand in marriage she decides on never wearing fur coats if it so happens. Her philosophy is that you will get as much as you will give. She tells the hero Samar (Shahrukh Khan) that if everyone keeps asking from God without giving back then how will He have enough good to divide amongst His people. According to Meera to get something you have to lose something.

I could not help but disagree with a large part of Meera's thinking. To begin with you do not make deals with God when praying. He does not answer our prayers because we have promised to be good in return but because we already are living our lives according to His will. In the Bible the book of 1 John in chapter 3 verse 22 says:

And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him, because we keep His commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.

It is then of course right to be giving like Meera does by helping the needy. However, such acts can only be meaningful when done from the heart and not out of fear or external force or desire for a reward in return. Further, we should not consider the giving back as a loss. After all whatever we have has come from Him.

In the case that we still make a bargain with the Lord then we should stick with our end of it even if He doesn't as a sign of our belief in Him. In the film Meera always receives what she asks for. Its never shown or mentioned that she gives up those things precious to her inspite of her prayers being unanswered. In fact as the story progresses and she ends up having to forgo her love as a promise to God for saving his life, disillusioned she stops her practice which had worked until then in her favour.

I feel instead of making such "deals" we should simply ask with faith. We should put all our worries to Him and have confidence that He will hear us. Most importantly we should approach Him with a repentant heart and thanksgiving. Apart from asking for forgiveness we should also forgive those who have hurt us. We should not remember God only when things go bad. We should daily praise Him for all that He has given us undeserving as we are with all our faults.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Image (top) source: http://yashrajfilms.com

Anger management

I have always enjoyed watching mushy romantic Hindi movies. In so many of them the hero-heroine have a hate relationship to start with, which down the line gets transformed into undying love. Dialogues like "you only get angry with those who are dear to you" practically lead you to believe that fighting is a sign of love. This does hold not true for me at all. If anything then love should make you more understanding, patient and kind.

Disagreements and arguments stress you out and drain you. The cross words exchanged only cause hurt and get etched as memories hard to forget even years later by the two people involved in the altercation.

The reason fights sometimes snowball is because of both parties raising their voice in competition. If you are only interested in proving yourself right, how then will you be able to hear what the other person is trying to actually say?

The first verse in chapter 15 of the Proverbs in the Bible says:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

When you keep your cool instead of immediately retaliating it gives you a chance to contemplate where the anger is really directed at. Is the infuriation at what you did wrong? Or is the ill-temper a front by the complainant for something gone awry elsewhere?

Controlling one's emotions is a tough act to carry out in such situations. What can perhaps help is the realisation that deep love really lies hidden behind those fights that didn’t happen because we didn’t let them happen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Image (top) adapted from http://www.velaction.com

Coming together in a marriage

One of my close friends got married last month. Unfortunately our living in two different countries now made it impossible for me to be there on this auspicious occasion. Nevertheless sitting continents apart I asked myself whether she was feeling the same way as I did over three years ago.

Whatever the type of marriage it might be - arranged or love and however long or little the couple might have known each other, the bride-to-be feels a mixed bag of emotions. Intermingled with all the excitement that shopping and celebrations in the preceeding months bring, is a profound sadness clutching the girl at having to leave the place she calls home and the parents who have always been there for her. Along with great joy at having finally found the one and getting to start a life with him, she also worries about the newness of it all.

From the bride's perspective it appears that in comparison things are easier for the groom. After all he doesn’t have to pack his bags. As per Indian tradition there is no bidaai (a hindi word meaning farewell) for him. The bride enters his household. I thought so too until the marriage counselling session we had as per church rules with our Pastor a few days prior to our wedding. At the very outset he read out verses 22-24 from Chapter 2 of the book of Genesis in the Bible, which say:

22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.’

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

The last verse tells that in a marriage the man is also parting ways with his parents to be with his wife to give rise to a new family. This made me realize that the changes and adjustments would also be demanded from my husband. The responsibility of having an additional person to take care of, besides themselves, went to both the parties with this union.

Understanding that when getting married I alone would not be taking the journey, but had company, removed my resentment and reduced my anxieties.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Image (top) adapted from http://travelguide-hamptonroads.com