What goes into a great marriage - Part 2

(Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dark_ghetto28)

Continuing from where I left in Part 1 of this two post series, I am going to list out now the remaining five pointers for a great marriage.

(6) Show grace
What we receive from God is through His grace and not because of our good works. In a relationship we must extend the same grace to our partner. Living together spouses are likely to hurt each other on occasions. But it does no good to hold on to the anger. An advice my father-in-law gave to my husband and me was to end a fight before going to sleep at night and to not take it over to the next day. Be kind and forgiving in love. Do not keep pointing out your spouse's mistakes and don't get upset when they are unable to change the way you want them to. Realise that everyone's journey to God is different and that He works on each person in a unique way. Let your home be a place where your heart always wants to return however bad the day might have gone.

(7) Stay open
I have to admit that when I was in school and college I used to feel shy to speak up in class. Even now sometimes in parties or get-togethers I enjoy listening more. It is with those close to me that I love to talk. Not surprisingly a top priority for was me was to find a husband with whom I'll have a great comfort and vice versa so that neither would feel awkward in saying anything. In a marriage being able to communicate is so important. Couples must forge a bond of trust which allows them to share their stories with the confidence that they will not be made fun of. I think that specially when we are stressed we tend to keep our worries to ourselves in our desire to protect the other person. But such secrets only build up with time and make your heart heavy burdened. So whatever the difficulty don't shut your spouse out. Whether it is about a thought eating you or your love - openly express it.

(8) Plan romance
A few years into marriage a routine can set in a couple's life. Marketing for groceries, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc take up a lot of your time and focus. For those who have kids things are still busier. Taking them to school, helping them with home work and assignments, activity classes, sports practice sessions, their friends' birthday parties, … the list is endless. Along with that in India many married couples stay with parents and some even in joint families. Given this scenario it is much needed to take that special time out for each other. It is not about spending a lot of money but being together by yourselves.

(9) Be flexible
On my older blog I had once written a post (see here) inspired by Somerset Maugham's quote:

We are not the same person this year as the last; nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

Indeed we as individuals evolve with time. You are affected by the happenings around the world, challenges you face, various experiences which you undergo, interesting people with their unusual outlooks whom you meet, and even by the vast knowledge that is now so easily available through the internet. A primary reason I started Write Around the Corner was because I felt different from the girl who used to write on My Scribbling Space. But it is not a happy chance that will keep us on track to loving a changed person while changing ourselves. It requires us to not be simply absorbed in ourselves but study our partner. Hear what he or she is saying and read between the lines. Don't always do things your way. Be considerate and be flexible enough to give in to your spouse's needs and wishes.

(10) Relax
I remember throughout my Ph.D. I used to be very serious when preparing for presentations. I would rehearse speaking so many times beforehand that on the actual event I would sound too practiced. But in the last one year I have learnt to relax more. I still go through my slides and make tweaks but I don't get worked up about it. I suppose it should be the same when it comes to our relationships. We shouldn't be obsessed about making everything perfect. The worst thing you could do to yourself is compare your life with others and give it a rating. Instead be calm and enjoy the journey. Make those changes which are needed but give them time to settle. Take up hobbies that you like and don't isolate yourselves. And when frustrated call upon God for help.